April 26, 2020

Overcoming Pain - Q & A

I went onto a forum that's been created for emotional and spiritual support and was moved to see the painful circumstances some people were going through. I felt very empathetic towards them and delved deep inside myself to give them some answers that I thought may help them, and help others with similar circumstances too. So here are the questions of four people put out on this forum who reached out for help to overcome their pain and each question is followed by my answer for guidance.

Question 1: I started this spiritual journey to awakening about 2 years ago and it seems the further into my journey I get, the more disconnected I feel. I get these feelings like I don’t want to be part of this world anymore. I see more and more the greed, selfishness, meanness, and madness going on and it's so disappointing and disheartening. It's at a level I wouldn’t even be able to describe, but I’m constantly feeling like I want to leave this place and go “home”. Not in a suicidal way but rather in a tired and just need rest kind of way. Like to retire to a familiar, peaceful, comforting place. Is this normal? Is it something I should be working on to “fix”?

Answer 1: A great life skill to have along your spiritual path is to accept others as they are and not have any expectations of them. Expectations reduce joy!

However, for yourself you need to have expectations, otherwise you may not improve and become better!
Life is not about retiring to a familiar, peaceful and comforting space! A ship was not meant to remain at the harbour, but journey through the waves and the weather which are sometimes rough and other times smooth. We are all in this journey in different parts of the ocean and meditation helps the ship to remain in balance as you encounter tough and painful circumstances.
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Question 2: I have been in a relationship for about 13 years. We’ve been married for 10.
I have had a tough past and I have been working on releasing trauma, recovering from addictions, working on emotional and spiritual growth. My husband understands my interest but is not involved in any of these topics himself. He is quite closed off emotionally and while he tries his best, he is not able to interact in any other way than strictly rational. As a highly sensitive, intuitive and empathetic person myself, this is very difficult.
As I have been growing over the last few years, I have started to notice patterns and behaviors in our relationship that are not healthy. We never discuss our relationship or emotions. Whenever I try this, he turns the conversation to focus on me and it’s always my issues and problems being discussed. I do not feel emotionally connected to him.
In the past, I think I was happy with this because I didn’t have to look into my traumatic past. But since I chose to work on that, I am struggling with his stonewalling. I do not feel seen emotionally. As a result, I feel I am closing off from him as well.
I have started to realize he is very controlling and anxious, although he will never admit this. He never shares how he feels.
But he does a lot of practical things to help me out in daily life. Seemingly, we have a great life. Lovely home, steady income. No kids (by choice). But I am so unhappy. I am not creating anymore, I used to be a cheerful person, now I’m just sad and negative all the time.
In short, I feel trapped. I feel imprisoned and while I want to get out and claim my own space, I can’t seem to do it. It might be fear because I have no family and I would be alone. On the other hand, I crave finally having freedom and being able to breathe.
I have been looking within, working with the imprisoned feeling, working on inner peace and empowerment. I am trying to hold faith, trust the process and knowing that the time will come, but at the same time I am afraid I am being too passive and I am seeing my life passing by.

Answer 2: I fully understand what you are going through and every circumstance is there to prod you into making a choice to either “wake up” further or remain where you are!
I noticed that in your path of spiritual growth, friendships are missing or maybe you didn’t mention them. Warmth of friendships leads to life-satisfaction. I gently urge you to either join a community of like minded people, develop further your existing friendships by sharing more time with friends or develop a new friendship with the 7 steps of friendship – know, trust, love, embrace, use, help and thank.
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Question 3: There isn’t a short way to describe how I got where I  am today or what help I think others could possibly give me but I’m willing to try and think about things in a different perspective.
I left Germany when I was 21 leaving behind all my family for a new life in New Zealand. I had 2 beautiful children to my first husband there, leaving him after 10 years of domestic violence.
I found my soulmate there and he raised my children for 14 years. I lost him in 2011 to cancer. I was devastated and completely lost it for a while.
I met some one new who everyone else hated and two years into our relationship he was arrested. I listened to his story and stood by him, went into witness protection. We came back to Germany to be safe. At first I was working in Germany but then my mother was diagnosed with dementia and I moved in with her so I could help take care of my parents.
He left for New Zealand for his court case two years ago and never returned.
I have been back to New Zealand twice to see my kids who are adults now but my heart is torn. My mother has gone into a home for respite care during the Corona virus outbreak due to aggressive behaviour of my father having put him in hospital.
It's just awful. I’m trying hard to pull myself together and be there for my parents and I know now I can’t go home to New Zealand for the time being. I never thought I would have to face this alone and feel very abandoned by the person I stood by. Despite his past I believed him to be good at heart.
I have thought many times that I wasn’t in a good place when we met and maybe my judgement was off. I have tried to forget the whole episode but he does contact me occasionally and it completely sends me off the rails again.
I believe my biggest problem is that I never thought I would be back in my home town. I left for a reason - a better life. To find myself back here, and worse, alone, is soul destroying.
Two weeks to pull my self together for when my mother comes back home and I will be looking after her and my father 24x7.  I have been caring for them now two years with my sister and we are both worn out. It sounds so callous and I love my parents but should I be giving up making a life for myself in order to care of them?
I’ve made a mess of it all so far and am at a loss. I can pull my girl socks up and get on with it but how do I get back some control in my own life?

Answer 3: You have been through a lot and that makes one stronger and not weaker!
I fully understand that some of the circumstances you have been through can throw you off balance physically, emotionally and mentally and then, it is only the overarching calmness of spirit that can bring you back to balance.
I would recommend daily meditation, prayer and exercise for the moment and the Corona lock-down is a great opportunity to get onto an online learning platform for knowing more about them.
It’s good to be self-sufficient materially and I recommend that you ask yourself 3 questions:
1. What do I love doing?
2. What do my friends think I am great at?
3. What does the world need?
The common points of your answers will give you a way forward to prosper.
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Question 4: After a lifetime of unhappiness in an emotionally dysfunctional family, and after my parents died, having that continue with my only 2 siblings (twins) who were constantly judgmental, critical and unsupportive, I have finally “had it”.  And though walking away from the only remaining blood family I had on earth was not what I would have ever chosen, I have finally, with great difficulty, walked away at the age of 65.  Throughout my life, I never had the courage to confront the sibling who was most cruel emotionally (he can be very abrasive, & also, in one instance in our teens, was physically & verbally abusive to our mother).  But recently I wrote a respectful but very honest, open letter, explaining my reasons, and assuring him that I wasn’t angry, still loved him & would be there if he ever needed my help.  And that there was never anything I wanted worse in life than for us to not get along.  It’s been a month now, & no reply or other communication from him since.  The other sibling has now also ceased communication, and barely responds when I attempt the same.  In one way, walking away has been massively freeing & healing.  Yet sometimes I still have feelings of “did I handle this in the best way” and “is there more that I can do”.  And the sadness of having no real blood family now is very difficult at times.  What makes it especially complicated is that in spite of the brother’s verbal abuse, he was often helpful to me with home improvement tasks, etc., also taking me to Emergency Room (ER) twice in recent years, and even staying with me all night there once.  Yet (aside from the ER trips) my time with him was always at a heavy emotional price.  Any time he was helping me with a project, he was also being very critical, condescending & disrespectful – and never had a positive word for me, EVER.
I was constantly bewildered as to where I stood with him.  Still, since I never confronted him, I can’t help wonder if maybe he just didn’t realize what he was doing.  I’m feeling very unsure at this point, as to whether it’s worth trying to have any further conversation with him.
So lately I have pondered 3 questions:
1) Should I visit my brother & ask if he has anything to say to me, and/or if he has any interest in my being in his life.
2) Should I try to explain things to my sister, who has no clue of the kind of things he has said/done, & refuses to believe her twin could be capable of such.  After one brief attempt on my part, she basically accused me of “overreacting to sibling rivalry” (far from true; it wasn’t about disagreements, it was about put-downs.  And for the record, I never once put him down or treated him with disrespect).  She has also quite adamantly in the past stated, “don’t write me any more letters, I can’t deal with them” (although to my knowledge I only wrote one letter about family issues, which was as kind and respectful as I could possibly make it).  Instead of seeing my letter as an attempt at open honesty & a cry for help, she accused me of “drama and bad attitude”.
3) Should I send my sister a short note just saying I’m sorry for the misunderstandings, sorry I could never quite ‘measure up’, that I love her & am there for her if she ever needs my help.
I sincerely appreciate any insight into this matter, as this has been the most difficult cross I have had to bear in my life.

Answer 4: I sympathize with what you have been going through with your siblings and so far you have acted in the best possible way to have an amicable relationship.
Since it hasn’t worked out, perhaps you are being forced by God to go within and find your sibling and mate there. So turn towards daily meditation.

Meditation also has mysterious ways of connecting you back with people who have been estranged. But you just have to let go about when it will happen.
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After reading these painful circumstances the least you can do is pray for these souls to overcome their pain with God's grace.

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April 25, 2020

Covid-19 Framework for Leaders and Policy Makers

A. WHY do you need a Covid-19 Framework for Leaders and Policy Makers ?
To reduce deaths due to Covid-19 and yet keep the economy rolling.


B. HOW do you reduce deaths due to Covid-19 and yet keep the economy rolling?

For Public:
  1. Distancing SOPs (Standard Operating Procedures) to be used
  2. Digital Contact Tracing to be used to identify and guide those who came in contact with a Covid-19 positive patient
  3. Sanitisers to be used as per SOP
  4. Masks to be used as per SOP
  5. Personal Protective Equipment to be used as per SOP
  6. Behaviour training and monitoring with video cameras and re-training those who are making mistakes
  7. Immunity building tips
  8. Goods to be received at a premise as per SOP
  9. Persons to enter a premise as per SOP

For Workplace:
  • SOPs
  • Enabling work form home
  • Enabling learn from home

Link - Toyota Restart Manual for Covid-19

For Public Transport:
  • SOPs

For Hospitals and Quarantine Centres:
  • SOPs


C. WHAT do you do for making the public safe especially at workplaces, on public transport, hospitals and quarantine centres and at the same time keep the economy rolling?

  1. Building manufacture and supply chain for Covid prevention and Covid healing items
  2. Building manufacture and supply chain for essential items
  3. Building manufacture and supply chain for economically crucial items
  4. Building an easy to use digital pass system for essential movement of goods and persons
  5. Beat policing and check posts for security and checking unauthorized movement
  6. Digital contact tracing on mobile phone to be developed and promoted
  7. Preparing SOPs with brainstorming of experts and publishing them
  8. R&D and innovation to be encouraged
  9. Building Covid-19 quarantine centres and speciality hospital capacity
  10. Building Covid-19 Testing capacity
  11. Data Collection and Analytics for decision making
  12. Building a Covid-19 knowledge sharing digital platform for sharing and discussion of new methods tried and tested by experts in wellness, engineering, economy and environmental sustainability
D. A HUMANE APPROACH
  1. Encourage systems for distributing food to the needy
  2. Create donation funds for Covid-19 social responsibility projects
  3. Create campaigns for removing stigmas attached to Covid-19 positive people
  4. Do "Direct Bank Transfers" to people in view of loss of income
  5. Provide low interest rate loans and loan moratoriums to people and organisations to tide over the loss of income caused by Covid-19
  6. Talk to your employees to come to an amicable way forward during Covid-19

To all the leaders out there, here are 7 Cs for you during the Corona pandemic - 


Be calm, confident, communicative, collaborative, compassionate, curious and cautious.

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April 18, 2020

Covid-19 Policy Guidelines for Policy Makers, Influencers and Industrialists

Covid-19 is here to stay till a vaccine is discovered and tested by our great scientists.

In order that we all get cracking to start work in new and safe ways, policy makers, influencers and industrialists must immediately issue guidelines for the same in view of the threats posed by the Corona virus.

3 key important points to be looked into in the wake of Covid-19 are:
  1. Precautions
  2. Economy
  3. Environment
1. Precautions: For the time being, an important thing that we can do is to take precautions to stop the spread of the Covid-19 virus and build policies for the same.

At the government level, the best method is quarantine of likely infected persons and allowing them to leave after 14 days if not infected and treating infected persons in self-isolation or special Covid-19 hospitals till they are free from the Covid-19 infection. We must ensure that the experience of people in quarantine centres and Covid-19 hospitals should be one of being cared for with empathy and one should not get a feeling of being herded into anyone of them.

For individuals, governments should issue and circulate guidelines to take simple precautions such as building immunity, wearing masks, social distancing of minimum 6 feet, and washing hands with soap or sanitizers at regular intervals. For higher risk individuals at places such as hospitals, quarantine centres and airports, full Personal Protective Equipment needs to be worn by their personnel.

2. Economy: We need to kick start the economy as fast as possible so that at least bread if not butter can be afforded by workers. Voluntary and forced lock-downs during the Covid-19 pandemic have severely strained cash flows that drive the economy.

As a head of an organisation, you should enforce the Covid-19 standard operating procedures and protocols of working at a common workplace and get to work. Here’s a link to download an intelligent PDF document prepared by Toyota to restart manufacturing, from which you can pick up guidelines applicable to your organisation -
Toyota Restart Manual

“Work From Home” should be encouraged wherever possible, such as in advisory work, digital work and cottage industry.

Governments must bring more money into circulation to reboot the economy and utilise it for low interest loan distribution to farmers and entrepreneurs, and earmark a substantial portion for green infrastructure development projects.

3. Environment & well-being: Covid-19 has made us experience the pleasurable side of Nature with chirping birds, clean air to breathe and a blue sky to see. Every policy maker, lobbyist and industrialist must advocate lean and green methods of doing work at every level. This has been an important message of Covid-19 to humanity. The human race is not the “monarch” of the planet but vulnerable to Nature. The Corona virus has given a rap on our knuckles on behalf of Nature to change our ways and change what we imagine economic development and progress to mean as a race. Gross National Product may not be the best measure of our progress so try considering other parameters such as Gross National Happiness with its four pillars below which contribute to well-being and life satisfaction:
  • Sustainable and equitable socio-economic development
  • Environmental conservation
  • Preservation and promotion of culture
  • Good governance
I believe that if we follow the above advice, then very soon the earth will become a better place to live in.

Inclusive prosperity is the way to global harmony

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