I went onto a forum that's been created for emotional and spiritual support and was moved to see the painful circumstances some people were going through. I felt very empathetic towards them and delved deep inside myself to give them some answers that I thought may help them, and help others with similar circumstances too. So here are the questions of four people put out on this forum who reached out for help to overcome their pain and each question is followed by my answer for guidance.
Question 1: I started this spiritual journey to awakening about 2 years ago and it seems the further into my journey I get, the more disconnected I feel. I get these feelings like I don’t want to be part of this world anymore. I see more and more the greed, selfishness, meanness, and madness going on and it's so disappointing and disheartening. It's at a level I wouldn’t even be able to describe, but I’m constantly feeling like I want to leave this place and go “home”. Not in a suicidal way but rather in a tired and just need rest kind of way. Like to retire to a familiar, peaceful, comforting place. Is this normal? Is it something I should be working on to “fix”?
Answer 1: A great life skill to have along your spiritual path is to accept others as they are and not have any expectations of them. Expectations reduce joy!
However, for yourself you need to have expectations, otherwise you may not improve and become better!
Life is not about retiring to a familiar, peaceful and comforting space! A ship was not meant to remain at the harbour, but journey through the waves and the weather which are sometimes rough and other times smooth. We are all in this journey in different parts of the ocean and meditation helps the ship to remain in balance as you encounter tough and painful circumstances.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Question 2: I have been in a relationship for about 13 years. We’ve been married for 10.
I have had a tough past and I have been working on releasing trauma, recovering from addictions, working on emotional and spiritual growth. My husband understands my interest but is not involved in any of these topics himself. He is quite closed off emotionally and while he tries his best, he is not able to interact in any other way than strictly rational. As a highly sensitive, intuitive and empathetic person myself, this is very difficult.
As I have been growing over the last few years, I have started to notice patterns and behaviors in our relationship that are not healthy. We never discuss our relationship or emotions. Whenever I try this, he turns the conversation to focus on me and it’s always my issues and problems being discussed. I do not feel emotionally connected to him.
In the past, I think I was happy with this because I didn’t have to look into my traumatic past. But since I chose to work on that, I am struggling with his stonewalling. I do not feel seen emotionally. As a result, I feel I am closing off from him as well.
I have started to realize he is very controlling and anxious, although he will never admit this. He never shares how he feels.
But he does a lot of practical things to help me out in daily life. Seemingly, we have a great life. Lovely home, steady income. No kids (by choice). But I am so unhappy. I am not creating anymore, I used to be a cheerful person, now I’m just sad and negative all the time.
In short, I feel trapped. I feel imprisoned and while I want to get out and claim my own space, I can’t seem to do it. It might be fear because I have no family and I would be alone. On the other hand, I crave finally having freedom and being able to breathe.
I have been looking within, working with the imprisoned feeling, working on inner peace and empowerment. I am trying to hold faith, trust the process and knowing that the time will come, but at the same time I am afraid I am being too passive and I am seeing my life passing by.
Answer 2: I fully understand what you are going through and every circumstance is there to prod you into making a choice to either “wake up” further or remain where you are!
I noticed that in your path of spiritual growth, friendships are missing or maybe you didn’t mention them. Warmth of friendships leads to life-satisfaction. I gently urge you to either join a community of like minded people, develop further your existing friendships by sharing more time with friends or develop a new friendship with the 7 steps of friendship – know, trust, love, embrace, use, help and thank.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Question 3: There isn’t a short way to describe how I got where I am today or what help I think others could possibly give me but I’m willing to try and think about things in a different perspective.
I left Germany when I was 21 leaving behind all my family for a new life in New Zealand. I had 2 beautiful children to my first husband there, leaving him after 10 years of domestic violence.
I found my soulmate there and he raised my children for 14 years. I lost him in 2011 to cancer. I was devastated and completely lost it for a while.
I met some one new who everyone else hated and two years into our relationship he was arrested. I listened to his story and stood by him, went into witness protection. We came back to Germany to be safe. At first I was working in Germany but then my mother was diagnosed with dementia and I moved in with her so I could help take care of my parents.
He left for New Zealand for his court case two years ago and never returned.
I have been back to New Zealand twice to see my kids who are adults now but my heart is torn. My mother has gone into a home for respite care during the Corona virus outbreak due to aggressive behaviour of my father having put him in hospital.
It's just awful. I’m trying hard to pull myself together and be there for my parents and I know now I can’t go home to New Zealand for the time being. I never thought I would have to face this alone and feel very abandoned by the person I stood by. Despite his past I believed him to be good at heart.
I have thought many times that I wasn’t in a good place when we met and maybe my judgement was off. I have tried to forget the whole episode but he does contact me occasionally and it completely sends me off the rails again.
I believe my biggest problem is that I never thought I would be back in my home town. I left for a reason - a better life. To find myself back here, and worse, alone, is soul destroying.
Two weeks to pull my self together for when my mother comes back home and I will be looking after her and my father 24x7. I have been caring for them now two years with my sister and we are both worn out. It sounds so callous and I love my parents but should I be giving up making a life for myself in order to care of them?
I’ve made a mess of it all so far and am at a loss. I can pull my girl socks up and get on with it but how do I get back some control in my own life?
Answer 3: You have been through a lot and that makes one stronger and not weaker!
I fully understand that some of the circumstances you have been through can throw you off balance physically, emotionally and mentally and then, it is only the overarching calmness of spirit that can bring you back to balance.
I would recommend daily meditation, prayer and exercise for the moment and the Corona lock-down is a great opportunity to get onto an online learning platform for knowing more about them.
It’s good to be self-sufficient materially and I recommend that you ask yourself 3 questions:
1. What do I love doing?
2. What do my friends think I am great at?
3. What does the world need?
The common points of your answers will give you a way forward to prosper.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Question 4: After a lifetime of unhappiness in an emotionally dysfunctional family, and after my parents died, having that continue with my only 2 siblings (twins) who were constantly judgmental, critical and unsupportive, I have finally “had it”. And though walking away from the only remaining blood family I had on earth was not what I would have ever chosen, I have finally, with great difficulty, walked away at the age of 65. Throughout my life, I never had the courage to confront the sibling who was most cruel emotionally (he can be very abrasive, & also, in one instance in our teens, was physically & verbally abusive to our mother). But recently I wrote a respectful but very honest, open letter, explaining my reasons, and assuring him that I wasn’t angry, still loved him & would be there if he ever needed my help. And that there was never anything I wanted worse in life than for us to not get along. It’s been a month now, & no reply or other communication from him since. The other sibling has now also ceased communication, and barely responds when I attempt the same. In one way, walking away has been massively freeing & healing. Yet sometimes I still have feelings of “did I handle this in the best way” and “is there more that I can do”. And the sadness of having no real blood family now is very difficult at times. What makes it especially complicated is that in spite of the brother’s verbal abuse, he was often helpful to me with home improvement tasks, etc., also taking me to Emergency Room (ER) twice in recent years, and even staying with me all night there once. Yet (aside from the ER trips) my time with him was always at a heavy emotional price. Any time he was helping me with a project, he was also being very critical, condescending & disrespectful – and never had a positive word for me, EVER.
I was constantly bewildered as to where I stood with him. Still, since I never confronted him, I can’t help wonder if maybe he just didn’t realize what he was doing. I’m feeling very unsure at this point, as to whether it’s worth trying to have any further conversation with him.
So lately I have pondered 3 questions:
1) Should I visit my brother & ask if he has anything to say to me, and/or if he has any interest in my being in his life.
2) Should I try to explain things to my sister, who has no clue of the kind of things he has said/done, & refuses to believe her twin could be capable of such. After one brief attempt on my part, she basically accused me of “overreacting to sibling rivalry” (far from true; it wasn’t about disagreements, it was about put-downs. And for the record, I never once put him down or treated him with disrespect). She has also quite adamantly in the past stated, “don’t write me any more letters, I can’t deal with them” (although to my knowledge I only wrote one letter about family issues, which was as kind and respectful as I could possibly make it). Instead of seeing my letter as an attempt at open honesty & a cry for help, she accused me of “drama and bad attitude”.
3) Should I send my sister a short note just saying I’m sorry for the misunderstandings, sorry I could never quite ‘measure up’, that I love her & am there for her if she ever needs my help.
I sincerely appreciate any insight into this matter, as this has been the most difficult cross I have had to bear in my life.
Answer 4: I sympathize with what you have been going through with your siblings and so far you have acted in the best possible way to have an amicable relationship.
Since it hasn’t worked out, perhaps you are being forced by God to go within and find your sibling and mate there. So turn towards daily meditation.
Meditation also has mysterious ways of connecting you back with people who have been estranged. But you just have to let go about when it will happen.
_________________________________________________________________________________
After reading these painful circumstances the least you can do is pray for these souls to overcome their pain with God's grace.
Learn how to pray - Prayer & Worship
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Question 1: I started this spiritual journey to awakening about 2 years ago and it seems the further into my journey I get, the more disconnected I feel. I get these feelings like I don’t want to be part of this world anymore. I see more and more the greed, selfishness, meanness, and madness going on and it's so disappointing and disheartening. It's at a level I wouldn’t even be able to describe, but I’m constantly feeling like I want to leave this place and go “home”. Not in a suicidal way but rather in a tired and just need rest kind of way. Like to retire to a familiar, peaceful, comforting place. Is this normal? Is it something I should be working on to “fix”?
Answer 1: A great life skill to have along your spiritual path is to accept others as they are and not have any expectations of them. Expectations reduce joy!
However, for yourself you need to have expectations, otherwise you may not improve and become better!
Life is not about retiring to a familiar, peaceful and comforting space! A ship was not meant to remain at the harbour, but journey through the waves and the weather which are sometimes rough and other times smooth. We are all in this journey in different parts of the ocean and meditation helps the ship to remain in balance as you encounter tough and painful circumstances.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Question 2: I have been in a relationship for about 13 years. We’ve been married for 10.
I have had a tough past and I have been working on releasing trauma, recovering from addictions, working on emotional and spiritual growth. My husband understands my interest but is not involved in any of these topics himself. He is quite closed off emotionally and while he tries his best, he is not able to interact in any other way than strictly rational. As a highly sensitive, intuitive and empathetic person myself, this is very difficult.As I have been growing over the last few years, I have started to notice patterns and behaviors in our relationship that are not healthy. We never discuss our relationship or emotions. Whenever I try this, he turns the conversation to focus on me and it’s always my issues and problems being discussed. I do not feel emotionally connected to him.
In the past, I think I was happy with this because I didn’t have to look into my traumatic past. But since I chose to work on that, I am struggling with his stonewalling. I do not feel seen emotionally. As a result, I feel I am closing off from him as well.
I have started to realize he is very controlling and anxious, although he will never admit this. He never shares how he feels.
But he does a lot of practical things to help me out in daily life. Seemingly, we have a great life. Lovely home, steady income. No kids (by choice). But I am so unhappy. I am not creating anymore, I used to be a cheerful person, now I’m just sad and negative all the time.
In short, I feel trapped. I feel imprisoned and while I want to get out and claim my own space, I can’t seem to do it. It might be fear because I have no family and I would be alone. On the other hand, I crave finally having freedom and being able to breathe.
I have been looking within, working with the imprisoned feeling, working on inner peace and empowerment. I am trying to hold faith, trust the process and knowing that the time will come, but at the same time I am afraid I am being too passive and I am seeing my life passing by.
Answer 2: I fully understand what you are going through and every circumstance is there to prod you into making a choice to either “wake up” further or remain where you are!
I noticed that in your path of spiritual growth, friendships are missing or maybe you didn’t mention them. Warmth of friendships leads to life-satisfaction. I gently urge you to either join a community of like minded people, develop further your existing friendships by sharing more time with friends or develop a new friendship with the 7 steps of friendship – know, trust, love, embrace, use, help and thank.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Question 3: There isn’t a short way to describe how I got where I am today or what help I think others could possibly give me but I’m willing to try and think about things in a different perspective.
I left Germany when I was 21 leaving behind all my family for a new life in New Zealand. I had 2 beautiful children to my first husband there, leaving him after 10 years of domestic violence.
I found my soulmate there and he raised my children for 14 years. I lost him in 2011 to cancer. I was devastated and completely lost it for a while.
I met some one new who everyone else hated and two years into our relationship he was arrested. I listened to his story and stood by him, went into witness protection. We came back to Germany to be safe. At first I was working in Germany but then my mother was diagnosed with dementia and I moved in with her so I could help take care of my parents.
He left for New Zealand for his court case two years ago and never returned.
I have been back to New Zealand twice to see my kids who are adults now but my heart is torn. My mother has gone into a home for respite care during the Corona virus outbreak due to aggressive behaviour of my father having put him in hospital.
It's just awful. I’m trying hard to pull myself together and be there for my parents and I know now I can’t go home to New Zealand for the time being. I never thought I would have to face this alone and feel very abandoned by the person I stood by. Despite his past I believed him to be good at heart.
I have thought many times that I wasn’t in a good place when we met and maybe my judgement was off. I have tried to forget the whole episode but he does contact me occasionally and it completely sends me off the rails again.
I believe my biggest problem is that I never thought I would be back in my home town. I left for a reason - a better life. To find myself back here, and worse, alone, is soul destroying.
Two weeks to pull my self together for when my mother comes back home and I will be looking after her and my father 24x7. I have been caring for them now two years with my sister and we are both worn out. It sounds so callous and I love my parents but should I be giving up making a life for myself in order to care of them?
I’ve made a mess of it all so far and am at a loss. I can pull my girl socks up and get on with it but how do I get back some control in my own life?
Answer 3: You have been through a lot and that makes one stronger and not weaker!
I fully understand that some of the circumstances you have been through can throw you off balance physically, emotionally and mentally and then, it is only the overarching calmness of spirit that can bring you back to balance.
I would recommend daily meditation, prayer and exercise for the moment and the Corona lock-down is a great opportunity to get onto an online learning platform for knowing more about them.
It’s good to be self-sufficient materially and I recommend that you ask yourself 3 questions:
1. What do I love doing?
2. What do my friends think I am great at?
3. What does the world need?
The common points of your answers will give you a way forward to prosper.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Question 4: After a lifetime of unhappiness in an emotionally dysfunctional family, and after my parents died, having that continue with my only 2 siblings (twins) who were constantly judgmental, critical and unsupportive, I have finally “had it”. And though walking away from the only remaining blood family I had on earth was not what I would have ever chosen, I have finally, with great difficulty, walked away at the age of 65. Throughout my life, I never had the courage to confront the sibling who was most cruel emotionally (he can be very abrasive, & also, in one instance in our teens, was physically & verbally abusive to our mother). But recently I wrote a respectful but very honest, open letter, explaining my reasons, and assuring him that I wasn’t angry, still loved him & would be there if he ever needed my help. And that there was never anything I wanted worse in life than for us to not get along. It’s been a month now, & no reply or other communication from him since. The other sibling has now also ceased communication, and barely responds when I attempt the same. In one way, walking away has been massively freeing & healing. Yet sometimes I still have feelings of “did I handle this in the best way” and “is there more that I can do”. And the sadness of having no real blood family now is very difficult at times. What makes it especially complicated is that in spite of the brother’s verbal abuse, he was often helpful to me with home improvement tasks, etc., also taking me to Emergency Room (ER) twice in recent years, and even staying with me all night there once. Yet (aside from the ER trips) my time with him was always at a heavy emotional price. Any time he was helping me with a project, he was also being very critical, condescending & disrespectful – and never had a positive word for me, EVER.
I was constantly bewildered as to where I stood with him. Still, since I never confronted him, I can’t help wonder if maybe he just didn’t realize what he was doing. I’m feeling very unsure at this point, as to whether it’s worth trying to have any further conversation with him.
So lately I have pondered 3 questions:
1) Should I visit my brother & ask if he has anything to say to me, and/or if he has any interest in my being in his life.
2) Should I try to explain things to my sister, who has no clue of the kind of things he has said/done, & refuses to believe her twin could be capable of such. After one brief attempt on my part, she basically accused me of “overreacting to sibling rivalry” (far from true; it wasn’t about disagreements, it was about put-downs. And for the record, I never once put him down or treated him with disrespect). She has also quite adamantly in the past stated, “don’t write me any more letters, I can’t deal with them” (although to my knowledge I only wrote one letter about family issues, which was as kind and respectful as I could possibly make it). Instead of seeing my letter as an attempt at open honesty & a cry for help, she accused me of “drama and bad attitude”.
3) Should I send my sister a short note just saying I’m sorry for the misunderstandings, sorry I could never quite ‘measure up’, that I love her & am there for her if she ever needs my help.
I sincerely appreciate any insight into this matter, as this has been the most difficult cross I have had to bear in my life.
Answer 4: I sympathize with what you have been going through with your siblings and so far you have acted in the best possible way to have an amicable relationship.
Since it hasn’t worked out, perhaps you are being forced by God to go within and find your sibling and mate there. So turn towards daily meditation.
Meditation also has mysterious ways of connecting you back with people who have been estranged. But you just have to let go about when it will happen.
_________________________________________________________________________________
After reading these painful circumstances the least you can do is pray for these souls to overcome their pain with God's grace.
Learn how to pray - Prayer & Worship
To subscribe to receive more helpful articles FREE, click here - Subscribe
To read daily insights and inspirations "Like" our Facebook page - Facebook
Read cool, inspiring and helpful stuff on this blog by clicking on this link - Spiritual Pointers
